Drapes on the cheap, if you can’t sew
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Despite appearances, I am no Suzy Homemaker. For one, I don’t sew. My lowest grade in school was in 8th-grade sewing class. I made a crooked orange dress. All the buttons fell off after the first washing. Worse, I had to model the monstrosity in a school fashion show. I’m still in therapy.
My home-economics teacher, Mrs. Lasansky, told me she was happy I was doing well in English, and counseled me to pursue any career but homemaking. All through high school and college, I hemmed my pants with masking tape, which was not the only reason my mother called me a disgrace to the family. But all of this was good training for my guest-room drapes.
The story of my guest-room drapes is a tale of what happens when a cheap, determined woman who can’t sew finds a fire sale and a glue gun.
No layers of froufrou
The guest room’s large window had wood blinds, for privacy and light control, but needed drapes to look finished. A friend recently told me that her interior designer gave her a bid for living room, dining room and family room drapes. The bid was $27,000. “Is that too much?” she asked me. Hack, gasp, wheeze. Let’s see, do I want drapes or a Hawaiian vacation?
I was determined to dress the guest-room window for next-to-no-money. I knew the fabric I wanted: the same coffee-brown toile as the room’s duvet cover. And I knew the style: simple, no layers of froufrou. These were bedroom drapes, not a baptismal gown.
When I saw that the catalog company from which I’d ordered the duvet cover had put the discontinued matching sheets on fire sale for $29.99, I snapped up two full sets. I’d need two top sheets, one for each side panel. (Sheets, with four finished edges, can be your best friend if you don’t sew.)
At the Great Indoors, I found iron rods and rings that attached with clips. No sewing required! I got clips styled like black iron leaves, two tie backs, and brackets that would extend the rod more than four inches from the wall to clear the header of my wood blinds.
Back home, I hung the hardware myself, which made my family nervous. If I ever want complete solitude, all I have to do is walk through the house with a hammer and ladder. My husband gets an urgent business call. The kids go to their rooms and turn up their music, and the dogs dive under a bed.
Tacky but victorious
Next, I clipped on the drapery rings, hung the drapes and brought my family out of hiding to admire my handiwork. “Looks like you hung sheets,” they said. In the honest light of day, the sun showed through reminding you of a cheap woman wearing a thin dress and no slip. They needed to be lined. Crestfallen, I worried that I might have to hire a seamstress.
But desperation spawned another idea: At a local bedding outlet, I bought two ivory full-size flat sheets. I glue-gunned them to the patterned sheets using nickel-sized dots of glue every six to eight inches. I put a few dots of glue down the sides of each panel. On the window again, the lining gave the drapes the body and opacity they needed to look like the high-quality drapes they’re not. Total cost: $161.
Making drapes with a glue gun might seem tacky, like hemming with masking tape, but I bet even Mrs. Lasansky would be proud if she could see these drapes.
If you can sew, move on to Dear Abby now. But if you can’t sew and want to make an inexpensive window treatment, here’s a recipe for Marni’s Glue-Gun Drapes:
The panels: Find sheets you like, twin or full, depending on how wide you want the panels. I like double-gathered, so if you want to cover 40 inches of wall, get full sheets, which are about 80 inches wide.
The lining: Get two flat ivory sheets and glue the backs of the ivory sheets to the back of the main sheets. To avoid puckering, use dots of glue, not stripes, and don’t glue the bottom edges. If you make a mistake, you can easily pull the sheets apart. The look is truly seamless.
The hardware: Buy an adjustable rod, brackets, clip-on rings, and tie-backs (optional). Measure and mark with a pencil where screws will go. If drills make you nervous, tap a nail (use one slimmer than the screw) in the wall where you want screws, then twist the screw in. Hang your rods, and attach drapes with clip-on rings.
If you want to get fancy, glue on some fun trim. Then – brag!
Marni Jameson is a nationally syndicated columnist. Contact her via www.marnijameson .com.
COST
Drapes (two sets of sheets) $60
Extendable iron curtain rod $40
Brackets $20; clip rings $15; tie backs $14 $49
Two ivory flat sheets $12
Total $161
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